What a difference six years makes
The scene is 2:00 a.m., May 20, 2002, a small house in Washington state. A young woman dozes on the living room sofa, remote control in hand. In the darkness, a bright light flashes. It’s a messenger from the future! What can she possibly want? The messenger’s mouth opens, and…
2008 Liz: Greetings, 2002 Liz! Do not be afraid, for I bring tidings of great joy, which shall be for all people.
2002 Liz: (Waking up, confused) Jesus? Again?
2008 Liz: Only if by “Jesus” you mean the next best thing—Mulder and Scully—and by “coming” you mean to a theater near you!
2002 Liz: But…this cannot be! For The X-Files hath just ended this very night!
2008 Liz: I tell you the truth: For six years our heroes will remain under cover of darkness, hiding in the shadows of crappy hotels, bathed only in the warm glow of their undying love and the soothing rattle of the Magic Fingers. But in the last days of the rule of Bush the Younger, a voice shall rise from the wilderness, saying, “It’s time for a stand-alone X-Files mystery, and we ain’t gettin’ any younger!”
2002 Liz: Surely you jest. For what powers would allow such a film so long after the show has lost its relevance?
2008 Liz: Behold the future, where the despot Carter recalls the glory of his faded kingdom. Spurred by nostalgia and his studio-heart’s yearning for greater DVD sales, there shall be a period of great hope and rejoicing. For Grand Vizier Spotnitz has worked his wiles for the good of the people.
2002 Liz: You don’t mean…
2008 Liz: Smoochies, without the evil menace we call “bees”!
2002 Liz: Be still my heart!
2008 Liz: And lo, the fandom will be cranky, but will descend on the theaters like locusts; the rulers will be as kings, and the fandom will be as mosquitoes satiated after a meal, even as they pull the guts of the new story apart with their sharp probosci.
2002 Liz: But who can abide such a wonderful world, where The X-Files can rise again after six/eight/nine years of darkness?
2008 Liz: Fear not, my child. For there is still plenty to fear between the rising of the sun and the setting of the moon. Two words: “Reality TV.”
Finis
X-Files, XFiles, X-Files I Want to Believe, X-Files: I Want to Believe, I Want to Believe, Mulder, Scully, Mulder and Scully, Mulder and Scully kissing, Gillian Anderson, David Duchovny, Chris Carter, Frank Spotnitz, silliness, fiction
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