Reader Participation: “You are the WORST film series I’ve ever heard of.” “Ah, but you have heard of me.”
I have never gotten along well with my local paper’s regular film critic. Mick LaSalleSan Francisco Chronicle has a fine background in media criticism, I’m sure, but he and I have a little bit we do, and it goes like this: I read his review. I see the movie. I come out of the movie thinking, “What movie did he see?” It’s a thing. You should see it. We’ve really perfected our timing, I think.
Recently, good old Mick called the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy the worst film series ever. Now, I take issue with that statement for a number of reasons. First of all, I think his arguments–chiefly “there’s too much plot; I can’t follow all these stories!”–are incorrect, but that’s not important. What I really mean to say is: Ever? Ever, EVER? Surely we can come up with something worse in the history of the motion pictures than Orlando Bloom cavorting around with flowy sleeves (which is worth the price of admission in itself, I say, but, again: not important). Do I need to bring up the Baby Geniuses sequel incident? What about the Beethoven series, with David Duchovny as the evil…dognapper, I believe?
So, readers, here’s what I want to know: if we’re knocking the Pirates movies out of consideration for the Reign of Suck (and I believe we are; correct me if I’m wrong in saying that Police Academy has a stronger claim to the throne), what should be considered the worst film series of all time?
(Also, he admits he doesn’t like Star Wars, which I believe cements our non-friendship.)
June 4th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Hmm, off the top of my head, I think that Dumb and Dumber (the prequel used the word “dumberer” for crying out loud!), Look Who’s Talking, The Land Before Time (for the sheer quantity of sequels), and Police Academy are all much much worse series. And I like the Police Academy movies, or at least I did when I last watched them, when I was about twelve.
June 5th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Professional movie critics seem to be pickled in cynicism. That’s why you’re so refreshing.
I mean, I am not The Biggest Star Wars Nerd ever (I never know how many Jawas appear when and where), but if you don’t like Star Wars, I propose that you flat out don’t like *movies*.
Highlander. By far superior in Suck to Pirates. Highlander 4? Worst movie EVER!!!
June 6th, 2007 at 7:59 am
I am over the Pirates thing too, but “Worst Trilogy Ever” is a bit much. Looking at big budget movies, the Star Wars prequels would give Pirates a run for their money for worst. Even looking at trilogies with GREAT first movies that then dissolved into mush, hype wise the Matrix would easily beat Pirates in the worst category.
June 6th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Ahem. My name is Christine. And I saw the Police Academy movies. And I laughed. It must have been an 80s thing or something. Granted, I doubt I’ll ever watching any of them again.
June 7th, 2007 at 9:22 am
“Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? Because they were funny? Well I wasn’t laughing…”
–Homer Simpson
June 12th, 2007 at 3:01 am
Friday the 13th was good the first time around…but then I lost track of how many there are and it was all over for me!! Lots of horror movies do that. Oh, and for the record, people who don’t at least like the original star wars movies simply have no taste…