PSA
We interrupt your regularly scheduled movie-review programming to bring a special Curmudgeonly Theatre-Goer’s Report. For the record:
- Just because a movie is animated does not mean your child will sit still to watch it.
- If a movie is not animated and/or specifically aimed at your child’s age group, the likelihood of your child not driving an entire theater of people to drink goes down by 50 percent.
- Children have eyes and ears. They may not understand what’s going on, but they’re still watching.
- If your child doesn’t understand what’s going on, he or she will ask, and it’s not going to be via telepathy.
- The fact that your child is speaking a language other than English does not mean we cannot hear him or her.
- The fact that you are not shushing your child does not go unnoticed. At least look like you are making an effort, or we will make an effort for you. Any dirty looks you receive are on your own head.
- You had to buy your child a ticket to see this movie. Surely two hours of babysitting isn’t much more expensive?
- Some movie theaters offer showings specifically for people with small children. This is a good investment of your time and money. Trust us. Come back in ten years, and we’ll talk.
And now back to your regular film-review program. Thank you for your time.
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