Cinema Hype

This Friday is one of my most-anticipated release dates of the summer-movie season. (I’ve been WAITING and WAITING for The Love Guru; didn’t you know?) (Kidding.) I’m so excited: Friday is all about the shoe phones and general awesomeness of Dwayne “The Rock Johnson. Yes! Get Smart is finally here!

Now, Get Smart is a TV remake, which might, in a more rational world, make me think it’s going to be terrible. Why does Hollywood continue to fixate on TV remakes, when so many of them are so bad? Maybe it’s a personal-nostalgia thing; that kid who broke his arm trying to jump through his parents’ car window is later bound and determined to bring The Dukes of Hazzard to life once more. More likely, it’s the lure of possibility: people like the idea of reinvigorating something dated and making it cool again (or maybe they’ve just forgotten why the shows were cancelled in the first place). Dismal box-office stats aside, there’s always the chance that justice will be done to some old, well-loved show, and audiences young and old will come in droves. Each attempt is, more than anything, likely to be a Beverly Hillbillies, a Brady Bunch Movie, or a Scooby Doo, but maybe—just maybe—it’ll be more of a Charlie’s Angels.

Furthermore, there’s a perpetual supply of material. Nostalgia is powerful; even a mediocre show can look ripe for adaptation after twenty years. What shows will we see on the big screen in 2025? Will there be all-star re-casts of Friends? Lost? Grey’s Anatomy? And why do all of those sound so distasteful now? Is it that these shows are really so inferior to, say, Miami Vice? Or are we just too close for time—the equivalent of soft-focus lighting—to do its thing? (Personally, I’m wishing and hoping and praying for a Golden Girls reunion movie. That Betty White! Such a kick!)

Maybe today’s TV lends itself less to adaptation in the first place. Reality TV’s hostile takeover of the networks thins the list of future big-screen offerings, and a lot of popular shows are now so serialized—with a defined beginning, middle, and end—that their stories would be hard to pick up in a one-shot format. Besides, some shows are already eliminating the waiting period and making movies while they’re still on the air. Maybe the future of TV remakes is doomed. But I doubt it. TV maybe changing, but something tells me studios will find a way to keep this weird, surprisingly non-lucrative trend chugging along. So…bring on Saved by the Bell: The Movie?

TV remakes, Get Smart, Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, The Dukes of Hazzard, Friends, Grey’s Anatomy, Lost, Miami Vice, Saved by the Bell, The Beverly Hillbillies, Scooby Doo, Scooby-Doo, The Brady Bunch, Golden Girls, Betty White