Cinema Hype

I’ve been trying to hold off making too much fun of What Happens in Vegas…, which came in second at the box office this weekend. I mean, does it look terrible? It does. Am I soured on the “romantic” “comedy” genre in general? Sadly, yes (but no need to worry— romantic comedies, no quotes needed, will always be sweet to me). It seems to me that any movie that admits in the trailer that it’s a bastardization of an existing film doesn’t really deserve to be in the top five for any weekend, ever. This is the kind of movie that attracts my righteous bloggerly wrath for no other reason than because it’s there, waiting to be either mocked or eviscerated. Or both.

But I’ve been keeping it together for the kids. You know, the kids: Ashton and Cameron. First of all, I’m not sure when or how I went from despising Ashton Kutcher to secretly thinking he was kind of charming to openly hoping he might someday emerge from the Kutcher-Moore Batcave having finished puberty and become a full-fledged man-actor. He’s just so natural—happy-go-lucky, really—onscreen, like he just happens to be having wacky adventures, and oh, look, there’s a camera! Who knew?! So even though he’s been busy as husband/eerily young stepdad, I’m strangely happy to see him. Keep walking towards the light, Ashton!

And then there’s Cameron. I worry about her, you guys. I never know what to make of her—was Being John Malkovich some kind of massive fluke, or is she hiding some kind of Meryl Streepian greatness underneath that extremely tanned exterior?—but I look at what Meg Ryan seems to have been through in the past half-decade or so and I hope that she’s not headed in the same depressing, identity-addled direction. Because what will happen to the universe if Cameron Diaz can’t give us that huge grin and shake her booty and make everything better? It’s not that particle collider in Switzerland that’s going to suck the galaxy down into its depths and obliterate us all; it’s the day that Cameron Diaz begins to age out of her usual roles. Mark my words. And I just want everything to be okay, you know?

On the other hand, MAN. That looks terrible.

What Happens in Vegas…, Ashton Kutcher, Cameron Diaz, Meg Ryan, Meryl Streep, Being John Malkovich