Cinema Hype

Cinema Hype: Mr. Bardem, it’s an honor to meet you. Congratulations on your Academy Award win.

Javier Bardem: No. Thank you. It’s an honor to be here. …You may come closer to me for the interview. Please. I would like to shake your hand.

CH: No! I mean, thank you. Sir. I’d just…I’d prefer to stay on this side of the room, if you don’t mind.

JB: Sir, please. Let me shake your hand.

CH: I…uh…okay. Let me just… Oh! That’s some handshake you’ve got there.

JB: I drink a lot of milk.

CH: Right. Milk. Of course you do. Not that, you know, uh, never mind. Now, Mr. Bardem—

JB: Please, call me Javier.

CH: —Javier, then. Tell me. How did you prepare for the role of Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men?

JB: How does one prepare to play a man who has no soul, no empathy for others? It is a choice, an act of will. Each morning I looked in the mirror and said to myself, “Javi,”—for that is how mi mama called me—”Javi, kill Josh Brolin.” Over and over. “Kill Josh Brolin. Kill Josh Brolin.” And I was transformed. The strong brow and the rugged good looks became unacceptable to me. Because of Josh Brolin, I found my rage.

CH: Did you and Mr. Brolin get along well offscreen?

JB: Well, this is the life of the method actor—”Good morning, Javier,” he would say to me each morning. And each morning I looked at him and said, “I am going to kill you, Josh Brolin.”

CH: That sounds like an intense filming experience. But now you’re going to tell me that you made up after filming wrapped, and you’re great friends. Is that correct?

JB: No.

CH: Oh.

JB: Next question.

CH: Can you tell me about your experiences working with the Coen brothers?

JB: No. No, I cannot. The dialogue of Joel and Ethan Coen is brutal, like a knife. A serrated knife, so that the wound they inflict will not heal. They are like a .44 to the forehead, only less civilized. They are like…something I cannot place. Like…

CH: …a cattle stunner?

JB: Yes! That’s it! Thank you.

CH: Mr.—Javier, you used to be a member of the Spanish national rugby squad. How has that experience influenced your work as an actor?

JB: Well. Rugby is not a sport for the sissies, it is true. [laughs] But the violence of Anton Chigurh is not the violence of the rugby pitch. Anton kills because he enjoys it and because he believes he has no choice. Yes, I can crush a man’s bones to powder with the strength of my little finger. It is true. But the crack of a collarbone or the crunch of collapsing cartilage is simply a part of the game. An excuse. Anton needs no excuses. When I hunt Josh Brolin, I —or Anton, if you prefer—will puncture his skull like a doomed steer as his brown eyes meet mine.

CH: Right. Well. Javier, I thank you for your time, but I think we’re, uh, all out. Please don’t hurt me.

JB: Excuse me?

CH: Oh, I said, “He’s so wordy.” But not you. Josh Brolin, of course.

JB: …Right. Now, before I go, may I borrow a quarter for the drink machine?

(Note: This is a work of fiction. Please don’t sue.)

Academy Awards, Oscars, Javier Bardem, Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men, Josh Brolin