Cinema Hype

As part of our CH Exclusive! series of fictional interviews, today we’re interviewing Miley Cyrus, also known as Hannah Montana, star of the hugely popular Hannah Montana television show and the upcoming Hannah Montana: The Movie.

Cinema Hype: So, Miley, why don’t you tell us a bit about the upcoming Hannah Montana movie?

Miley Cyrus: Well, the movie is really cool—it’s about this girl named Miley, and she has this alter ego named Hannah Montana, who sings and has a TV show. But she starts getting really famous and turning into kind of a…I don’t know, I guess you’d say kind of a diva? And she has this super-overprotective dad named Billy Ray, who used to be a singer, too, and…

CH: I’m sorry, Miley; what I meant was, could you tell us a little about the plot of the movie?

MC: I just did.

CH: No, the movie.

MC: …I did.

CH: You know, why don’t we just move on? Miley, can you tell us a little about the experience of making a feature film after all these years of television work?

MC: Well, I’m starting to get older, you know, and it’s just been such a great challenge, playing this character. I feel like the experience has really stretched my creative boundaries.

CH: Miley Cyrus, teen star, playing Miley Stewart, teen star, plus alter ego Hannah Montana.

MC: Yes. I just really identify with Miley in the movie, you know? She’s such a unique fictional person, and I wanted to get that across onscreen. I really hope my performance does justice to the strength of her character.

CH: Do you find that you identify with Miley, Miley?

MC: Yes! I mean, it’s actually kind of amazing, like she was written for me, or something!

CH: You don’t say.

MC: Yeah, because Miley is this huge star with this alter ego, and, like, I might get to be that way someday, you know? Because I have an alter ego, too! And I know that a lot of girls have dads who won’t let them leave the house, ever, and try reinvent themselves as Celebrity Dads, but sometimes it seems like Miley’s talking just to me. She’s just so universal and so personal, all at the same time. Sometimes, it’s like I can’t even talk about her because I’m her and she’s me.

CH: Well, it sounds like you and Miley are very close.

MC: I know! Isn’t it amazing? I’m, like, getting to be an adult. And I feel like Miley is really helping me grow a little bit taller and a little bit older every day.

CH: That’s so meta.

NOTE: This interview is a work of fiction, part of the CH Exclusive! series. Cinemahype.com has never spoken with Miley Cyrus or anybody associated with her.

Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana, Miley Stewart, Billy Ray Cyrus, Hannah Montana movie, CH Exclusive, fiction, fictional interviews, fake interviews

Cinema Hype: Thanks for coming in to speak with us today. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about Speed Racer?

Andy Wachowski: Car chases. I loooooove car chases. On the racetrack, off the racetrack, burning rubber, twisted met—

Larry Wachowski: Inner strength. Courage. Family. Self-esteem. In remaking Speed Racer for a new generation, we wanted to foster the kinds of positive forces that teach young people how to be strong on the inside and loving towards their fellow human beings. We believe we’ve made a film that exemplifies all of those things.

CH: Yes, you’ve made Speed Racer into a family film. What was it like making a film aimed at young people, after the extravagant violence of the Matrix movies and some of your other work?

AW: BOOOORI—

LW: Well, it was just such an honor to create something to inspire and encourage young minds, you know? Andy and I believe that the racetrack in the film represents life and the desire to accelerate and experience as much as possible in the short time that we have. Don’t we, Andy?

AW: Yeah, Larry’s right, life is like a racetrack. And sometimes you make it to the finish line all in one piece, but sometimes you end up rolled over along the rail somewhere with your wheels up in the air, and sparks are all flying out behind you, like—you know—errrrrr! And you’re hanging from your harness and you wonder whether that was the car making that crinkling sound, or if it was your—

LH: Andy. [Under his breath] We talked about this.

AW: Sorry.

CH: …Now, who do you consider your greatest influences?

AW: Oh, you know. Steve McQueen, Bullitt, Gone in Sixty Seconds, Smokey and the Bandit, The Fast and the Furious…

LW: He means William Gibson, Ghost in the Shell, Robotech, and Simulacra and Simulation. RIGHT?

AW: Right. That Gibson guy.

CH: I…I see. Now, with that in mind, what would you say is the main point—the thesis, if you will—of Speed Racer?

LW: Love.

AW: Love. And car crashes.

LW: …and car crashes.

Speed Racer comes out today, May 9, 2008.

(This is a work of fiction; I do not know and have not met the Wachowski brothers.)

Speed Racer, The Wachowski Brothers, Larry Wachowski, Andy Wachowski, The Matrix

Cinema Hype: Mr. Bardem, it’s an honor to meet you. Congratulations on your Academy Award win.

Javier Bardem: No. Thank you. It’s an honor to be here. …You may come closer to me for the interview. Please. I would like to shake your hand.

CH: No! I mean, thank you. Sir. I’d just…I’d prefer to stay on this side of the room, if you don’t mind.

JB: Sir, please. Let me shake your hand.

CH: I…uh…okay. Let me just… Oh! That’s some handshake you’ve got there.

JB: I drink a lot of milk.

CH: Right. Milk. Of course you do. Not that, you know, uh, never mind. Now, Mr. Bardem—

JB: Please, call me Javier.

CH: —Javier, then. Tell me. How did you prepare for the role of Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men?

JB: How does one prepare to play a man who has no soul, no empathy for others? It is a choice, an act of will. Each morning I looked in the mirror and said to myself, “Javi,”—for that is how mi mama called me—”Javi, kill Josh Brolin.” Over and over. “Kill Josh Brolin. Kill Josh Brolin.” And I was transformed. The strong brow and the rugged good looks became unacceptable to me. Because of Josh Brolin, I found my rage.

CH: Did you and Mr. Brolin get along well offscreen?

JB: Well, this is the life of the method actor—”Good morning, Javier,” he would say to me each morning. And each morning I looked at him and said, “I am going to kill you, Josh Brolin.”

CH: That sounds like an intense filming experience. But now you’re going to tell me that you made up after filming wrapped, and you’re great friends. Is that correct?

JB: No.

CH: Oh.

JB: Next question.

CH: Can you tell me about your experiences working with the Coen brothers?

JB: No. No, I cannot. The dialogue of Joel and Ethan Coen is brutal, like a knife. A serrated knife, so that the wound they inflict will not heal. They are like a .44 to the forehead, only less civilized. They are like…something I cannot place. Like…

CH: …a cattle stunner?

JB: Yes! That’s it! Thank you.

CH: Mr.—Javier, you used to be a member of the Spanish national rugby squad. How has that experience influenced your work as an actor?

JB: Well. Rugby is not a sport for the sissies, it is true. [laughs] But the violence of Anton Chigurh is not the violence of the rugby pitch. Anton kills because he enjoys it and because he believes he has no choice. Yes, I can crush a man’s bones to powder with the strength of my little finger. It is true. But the crack of a collarbone or the crunch of collapsing cartilage is simply a part of the game. An excuse. Anton needs no excuses. When I hunt Josh Brolin, I —or Anton, if you prefer—will puncture his skull like a doomed steer as his brown eyes meet mine.

CH: Right. Well. Javier, I thank you for your time, but I think we’re, uh, all out. Please don’t hurt me.

JB: Excuse me?

CH: Oh, I said, “He’s so wordy.” But not you. Josh Brolin, of course.

JB: …Right. Now, before I go, may I borrow a quarter for the drink machine?

(Note: This is a work of fiction. Please don’t sue.)

Academy Awards, Oscars, Javier Bardem, Anton Chigurh, No Country for Old Men, Josh Brolin

Cinema Hype: Good afternoon, Mr. del Toro*. It’s an honor to speak with you.

Guillermo del Toro: Good afternoon. Buenos tardes, in my mother tongue.

CH: Mr. del Toro, we’d like to begin by speaking with you about your involvement in the upcoming adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’s classic Tarzan. What drew you to the film?

GdT: This is an opportunity for me and for the culture of my country. This is for the people of my native land. I’m excited to have this chance to expose audiences worldwide to the feral beauty of the rain forest as seen through the lens of nineteenth-century colonialism.

CH: How so?

GdT: Through Jane Porter. Jane claims to understand Tarzan, but doesn’t she want to strip him of the furs of the animal and force him into the starched shirts with the tiny buttons? Doesn’t she transform him into the image of a white European? Jane is the worst –ay, she claims to bring wealth and understanding, but with her, Tarzan is no longer an ape. Or a man. He is something else. A spider-monkey boy, perhaps.

CH: Have you conceived a vision for the look of the film?

GdT: The film? The film must be wild, like Tarzan himself. It must be lean, yet muscular and dripping with the perspiration. It must call out like an angry macaw. It must be glossy like Tarzan’s mysteriously well-kept hair. The film will be like a skillfully thrown spear, striking the heart of the audience with a hearty twang. Do you see?

CH: We see, Mr. del Toro. Now, how do you, as a director, identify with the character of Tarzan?

GdT: Ay, I was once at the zoo in Mexico with my family, and I was looking at the wolves–at los lobos. I was watching the wolf devour its prey, and when I looked up, mi familia was gone! I cried out; I called for my mother to return to me. “Mama! Mama!” I howled, much like an adolescent baboon. And that is how I identify with young Tarzan. Whenever I step behind the camera, I go deep inside myself and find that little boy crying, “Mama!” And my soul, it is touched.

CH: Mr. del Toro, I believe we have time for one final question. What influences can you cite to explain your interest in the Tarzan story?

GdT: When I was a young man, I saw a series of short advertisements–los anuncios–with a huge black panther slinking through the trees of the rain forest. And I thought, “What a beautiful life; what a beautiful image.” I was moved. Ay! The Yuban was delicious. The taste of the jungle, they say. It is in my heart. It is in my very blood. It will be in Tarzan.

*Kidding. Fictional. Not legally binding in any way.

Tarzan, Guillermo del Toro

Cinema Hype: Good afternoon, Mr. … 714593. May we call you “Mr. 714593″?

Mr. 714593: Please, call me Ironhide. I’m something of a method actor–I’m trying to stay in character as much as possible.

CH: Right. Thank you so much for sitting down with us today. We at Cinema Hype see that the newest trailer for your film Transformers has just been released. Tell me, what is it like working with all of these other stunt cars?

Ironhide: Please. “Automotive performers.”

CH: Right. Automotive performers.

Ironhide: Well, we’re just having a fantastic time around here. It’s such a great opportunity for all of us to get together and hone our skills–usually we’re spread all over the world, and it’s hard to keep in touch, you know? Working on this film, it’s like old times: all of us just sitting around between takes, talking about the craft. We’re like a brotherhood. A brotherhood of metal. Mixed with origami. It’s inspiring, in a way. We are strong, yet beautiful.

CH: How did you come to be cast as Ironhide in such a major film?

Ironhide: Years of hard driving and elbow grease. They say it’s all in a lucky break, but a guy’s got to do a lot of dusty, dangerous commercials before he can catch a break like this. And those “professional drivers on a closed course?” Well, let’s just say that some of them wouldn’t know a smooth gear change if it hit them over the head. Not that I’d ever say anything bad about them. I’m not that kind of guy. It’s all about showing up, having someone different wax you down every day, and getting through it.

CH: What is it about this role that you find challenging?

Ironhide: I’m learning to channel my aggression more freely. Ironhide is an up-front guy, a real man’s machine, where I tend to be a little bit more introspective towards my own life and my own career. I’m not one of those 0 - 60 guys, you know? So I’m practicing what it’s like to feel the danger and to feel what it’s like to be fighting the good fight. I’m trying to approach my battle scenes using a wilder, less inhibited part of my microchip. To show that I’ve got some pistons, if you will.

CH: Can you give our readers an example?

Ironhide: Of course. It’s like, the Decepticons are coming after me, and I know that I have to stop them, and it’s not a game. It’s a war, you know? It’s a war, and it’s painful, but I’ve got to win….It’s like…RAAAAAAAAAAAAWR! [expands from truck shape into robot]

CH: Well. … Thank you for that. It certainly was impressive.

Ironhide: [drops to all fours and folds into a truck] Why, thank you. Some of the other guys and I have been working hard on our unfolding technique.

CH: How is that?

Ironhide: The way we unfold speaks to the audience about our characters, you know? Are we tentative? Are we suffering? Are we full of righteous indignation? This is important, and we’ve been collaborating a lot as a cast to capture those emotions and motivations in what we do.

CH: One last question. Can you tell me anything else about the film?

Ironhide: Just that it’s going to be a showcase for the new generation of automotive performers. It used to be that a guy had to have his doors soldered shut and let some cowboy jump through his windows just to get a break, you know? But these new brothers have talent. They’ve got skill. You should see the nuances. It’s a beautiful thing to watch. I think you’re all going to be satisfied with what you see.

CH: Thank you for sitting down with us today, Ironhide.

Ironhide: Hey, anytime. This isn’t just some remake of a twenty-year-old cartoon. These guys aren’t just cars turning into robots to defeat other cars. This is art, and I’m proud to be an automotive performer for the twenty-first century.

movies, transformers, transformers trailer, ironhide

Cinema Hype: Mr. Sheen, it’s really an honor to speak with you today. We here at Cinema Hype have nothing but respect for your work.

Martin Sheen: Why, thank you.

CH: So, why don’t you tell us a little about what you’re doing these days?

MS: Well, I’ve been working pretty steadily since the end of The West Wing; I have a few very good movies coming out in 2007. And, of course, the Martin Scorsese film The Departed was just released; I believe it was number one at the box office last weekend.

CH: Right. Tell me a little about your role there.

MS: I play Captain Queenan of the Massachusetts State Police, and I’m trying to get Leo DiCaprio’s character to infiltrate the mob. It sounded like a strong role, and you really can’t beat the cast—Jack Nicholson, DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg…how could I say no to that?

CH: What’s it like, making the shift from being the President for so long?

MS: You mean playing the President.

CH: Of course. Playing the President.

MS: Well, it’s what an actor does. We have to be able to shift from role to role, considering each character individually. Captain Queenan is different from Jed Bartlet—he resides in a different setting, for sure—and I approached the role from a different angle.

CH: The Departed takes place in Boston, correct?

MS: Yes. It’s set in the heart of South Boston.

CH: And how was it, commuting to Massachusetts from New Hampshire?

MS: Excuse me?

CH: Or did you just stay in Boston during shooting?

MS: Well, my wife and I live in Los Angeles.

CH: Ah, yes. How is Abbey?

MS: My wife’s name is Joan.

CH: Oh, of course. I’m sorry.

MS: That’s okay. I stayed in Boston during shooting, and my wife came to visit.

CH: And the girls? Do you see them often?

MS: The girls?

CH: Your daughters.

MS: I only have one daughter.

CH: I could have sworn there were three.

MS: No, just the one. And her brothers. There are three of them.

CH: Oh, right. Did you gather with your family at all during shooting, since Boston is central to all of them? Or will everyone come to the farm for the holidays instead?

MS: The farm?

CH: In Manchester.

MS: I don’t live in Manchester. I live in Los Angeles. So does the rest of my family; I imagine we’ll all be in California for the holidays this year.

CH: Oh. A destination holiday. I see—get out of New England and get some sunshine. That sounds like fun.

MS: I’m sure we’ll have a good time, yes.

CH: Now, can we talk a little about your political career?

MS: Well, I wouldn’t call it a career, so much as an involvement.

CH: Call it what you like. Tell me how you got started in politics.

MS: I’ve been arrested over 70 times for civil disobedience, mostly in anti-militarization protests. I believe that our government should not be involved in the taking of life, and I am willing to get personally involved in that cause.

CH: And how did that affect your journey on the campaign trail?

MS: By “campaign trail,” do you mean….auditions?

CH: Didn’t the other side try to emphasize the time you’ve spent in the penal system?

MS: Well, there isn’t really an “other side” when you’re auditioning for a role, unless you count the other actors who are up for the part, but I doubt anybody’s trying to steal my roles by bringing up my political activism.

CH: And you continue to be involved.

MS: I will continue to protest as long as it’s necessary.

CH: What about running for further office?

MS: I’m not running for office. I never have.

CH: Oh, right. Term limits. Besides, some former Presidents have done great things during their post-Presidential years. Just look at Jimmy Carter. And Bill Clinton looks to be doing some good work.

MS: He is, and Jimmy Carter is my favorite President. But…I’m not a former President. I’m an actor who used to play the President. I never ran the country.

CH: Well, Mr. Sheen, that’s very humble of you, giving such credit to all of your advisors. And that’s why we at Cinema Hype are such big fans. Err, fan.

MS: Thank you.

CH: And we’ll be running off to see The Departed this weekend; I hear it’s spectacular.

MS: I hope you enjoy it; it’s an excellent film.

CH: I’m sure it is. Now, do you need an escort out to your car, or is the motorcade picking you up?

*Not really. I don’t know Martin Sheen, and he never said any of these things, as far as I know.