Cinema Hype

“Hello. I am Sweeney Todd. FEAR ME! I am the demon barber of Fleet Street! You will make an appointment six months in advance, only to be postponed for another month by my scatterbrained assistant. Your bangs will grow long. Long, I tell you! Past the cute sweepy stage and on to the “I’m hiding behind my hair because there’s a zit on my forehead” phase! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE.

Make no mistake, ye who enter here. When you finally arrive, the glass coffee table will be a mess of car magazines and hair books from 1977, and yet I will allow you to sit and fester until you MUST page through them or slump to the ground, defeated. The Farrah Fawcett Feathered Fluff will not be denied! OH, NO IT WILL NOT. I will escort you to my “station”–the one with the mysterious trap door behind it, but never mind–where I will inform you that you have hideous “mushroom head” and surely should have made an appointment earlier on. I will examine your split ends and tell you that you really ought to go for some Jessica Alba hair, because it would just be so fetching. Meanwhile, I will know that your face is far too long for Jessica Alba hair, and that you will look like a horse for the next six weeks. Take THAT, injustice! I will cut your layers too short, give you a fe-mullet, and convince you that “heavier in the back will really work for you.” When I’m finished, I will blow-dry your hair into hay and then work a styling “creme” made from giraffe’s milk and gelatin through it, leaving it dangling in front of your face like a dead rodent. All in the name of beauty! This is what the world has made of me. Look in the mirror of your shame, fools, and know that you cannot go back. YOUR HAIR WILL BE MINE! MINE!”

For more, see here.

Look, nobody at CHHQ is trying to say that Amy Adams is anything but a legitimately talented actress. The woman was nominated for an Oscar (for Junebug, for those of you who are asking, and we know you are), for goodness’ sake! She was on The Office AND she was in Drop Dead Gorgeous, both of which indicate that she is a serious human being. All we’re trying to say is that maybe Adams was actually brought into this world for the purpose of playing a live-action Disney princess. After seeing Enchanted, it certainly seems that way.

The best thing and the worst thing about Enchanted is that it’s exactly the movie it claims to be: a little bit funny, cuter than cute, and a send-up of Disney films while actually being a Disney film (sneaky!). The hidden depths are about as “hidden” and “deep” as the far end of a swimming pool, but nobody claimed much more than that. And most of the funny parts are included in the trailer, which is disappointing, but that’s not to say there’s nothing left to enjoy.

Mostly, there’s Adams. She is–how you say?–as cute as a button. She’s also totally committed to being as cute as a button; her aura of total sincerity and naivete doesn’t flag for a moment, and she somehow makes it work so that she’s unbelievable to the adults onscreen but not annoying to the adults in the audience. She also does all of her own singing, holding her own perfectly among a vocally intimidating cast (including co-star James Marsden, Singing Hottie Extraordinaire; Idina Menzel, from the original casts of Rent and Wicked; and a whole host of past Disney-princess vocalists hidden in the animated supporting cast), totally works a purple ball gown, and learns to think instead of sing. We approve.

The rest of the movie is pretty standard, the kind of thing all little girls and a surprising number of big girls will like. It is, after all, a fairy tale, where the male leads are good-looking, the dresses are floaty, and everybody except the witch with the cleavage and the platform shoes has a happy ending. Pleasingly (and wisely for the Disney folks; we smart girls can be pretty noisy when provoked), brains and pragmatism are given their fair share of the limelight; Adams’s character Pollyannas her way around Manhattan but also learns a little about the world outside herself, and even the smart, practical Other Woman (Menzel) wraps things up happily. But most people won’t be packing showings of Enchanted in search of social commentary, and that’s fine. If you go, just sit back and enjoy, and believe that everyone lives happily ever after. That’s kind of the point.

Enchanted, Amy Adams, Idina Menzel, Patrick Dempsey, James Marsden, Disney

Happy Thanksgiving, Cinema Hypers! What a great day: a dedicated holiday for food, family, friends, and dwelling a little on the good things in life. Not bad.

This Thanksgiving, I’d like to offer up a little gratitude to the deities of film. I spend a fair amount of time dissecting movies, pointing out the niggling little things that drive me crazy, offering reservations about movies that other people love. So here are a few things about Film and Film Things for which I am truly grateful:

1. Snappy dialogue
It’s amazing what good dialogue can do. It’s risky to say, but as far as I’m concerned, plot holes, unrecognizable characters, and a complete lack of action can be pretty easily ignored if there’s something fun to listen to. I’m talking witty comebacks, hairpin turns, and a little bit of human realism, preferably delivered at a good clip–what I once heard Lauren Graham (the queen of snappy dialogue at a good clip) refer to as “athletic dialogue.” Invented by the 1930s screwball comedies, but it never, ever gets old.

2. Sad comedies and funny dramas
When people ask about my favorite kind of movie, I always say, “The sad comedy. No. The funny drama. …You know what I mean?” The truth is that movies are meant to portray the reality of being human, even when they’re set in exotic places or unusual circumstances, or not even about humans, per se. And being human is neither pure comedy nor pure tragedy (one hopes). And so I am thankful for movies that get the balance right: The Royal Tenenbaums. Say Anything. Keeping the Faith. The Science of Sleep. Even when they’re weird, they’re still right.

3. George Clooney. I just am, okay? I like so much, in the words of Michael Scott, of what he chooses to be.

4. Serialization
Obviously, the film series as a genre is a risky move. After all, how many Police Academy movies are floating around in the ether? (Answer: six.) On the other hand, I’m thankful for serialized movies because they give everyone–writers, directors, characters, audiences–more time. Done right, they invite deeper and sometimes more responsible storytelling, since there is both the promise and the threat of connections to other films. Where would we be with only one Star Wars movie? Only Raiders of the Lost Ark? The Fellowship of the Ring? In a bad place, I tell you.

5. Musicals
Sure, not everybody’s into the whole “bursting into song” thing, but to those people I must say: Why not? Songs are fun. Dancing is awesome. Choreography is sometimes silly, but all the better for it, I say! I am a complete sucker for anything involving Gene Kelly and/or tap dancing, but it goes beyond that. Sometimes people have just got to sing, you know? And I, for one, will probably be singing right along (Shhh! Don’t tell!).

Happy Thanksgiving, all. Enjoy the day.

Thanksgiving, holidays, thankful, movies, movie series, musicals, George Clooney

As usual, the rules: The first person to comment with the character, actor, and movie that contains this quotation gets a special eyelash batting and a tailor-made Cinema Hype cheer, which might actually rhyme, even if it doesn’t make any sense.

Congratulations to Chris for her speedy win last time!

Next up, in honor of our fine American holiday coming up:

“‘You made boxed stuffing?’
‘Yeah. What’s wrong with boxed stuffing?’
‘Nothing! I’m sure it’s a fine brand.’”

Contrary to popular belief, we at CHHQ have not been on a sympathy strike; we’ve just been taking a little time off for the sake of sanity (insert obvious joke here).

And what a time to take off: I go on vacation, and 12,000 of my favorite writers walk out! (Someone should have warned me. I could have postponed if they really needed me. Jeez.) So far, the media coverage is mostly TV-centric, because that’s where the industry (and the audiences) will feel the pinch first. As soon as the networks run out of produced episodes, they’re stuck with a whole lot of reality programming and not much else. We know this.

But fast-forward to next year’s Oscar season. The Writers’ Guild of America isn’t just the TV writers’ union; they support all the working writers in Hollywood. And when they say, “pencils down,” they mean “pencils down”–according to the strike rules, even spec scripts, or un-contracted work, has to be returned to the people who submitted it. Nobody’s writing. Before long, the actors won’t have roles, the directors won’t have shots to perfect, and audiences won’t have any reason to go to the theater. It’s a longer-term problem than the immediate lack of The Office on my screen every Thursday night, but a long strike might have Americans everywhere rummaging around for something to read (or new episodes of Dancing with the Stars, but we won’t talk about that). Heavens!

And speaking of actors and directors, the writers aren’t the only ones with their eyes on the “new media” (i.e. the internet): SAG and the DGA are scheduled to go into talks with the studios next July, and the WGA agreement is widely known to be the “pattern” for their negotians (…good choice? Guys?) If the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers wants to pick a fight–especially if the writers are still out–they may find themselves with a whole lot of empty studio lots. Things are ugly now, but they could get even uglier for everyone, including the bored, entertainment-starved masses. There may be tar. Also, feathers.

For basic information on the WGA strike, try here, here, or here.

For one affected writer’s personal account, check out media critic, novelist, TV writer, and generally awesome person Pamela Ribon’s blog.

No good, folks. No good.

WGA strike, writers strike

As usual, the rules: The first person to comment with the character, actor, and movie that contains this quotation gets a special eyelash batting and a tailor-made Cinema Hype cheer, which might actually rhyme, even if it doesn’t make any sense.

Congratulations to Brady for his stunning victory last week. And on to our new offering:

“‘Fellow artists, may I present myself as an actor, a musician, and a loyal and very humble servant of the club.’
‘We’ll be the judge of that.’
‘In token of my gratitude and as a means of promoting communication between adjoining nations–shouting from windows being forbidden–I shall provide a post office in our hedge, to further encourage the baring of our souls and the telling of our most appalling secrets. I do pledge never to reveal what I receive in confidence here.’
‘Well, then. Do take your place, Rodrigo.’
‘Sir Rodrigo.’

Ready? Go!

So, we’ve all seen Good Will Hunting, right? And there’s Matt Damon and there’s Ben Affleck, and they’re both all cute and loyal and wunderkind-like, and they wander the streets of South Boston. Remember? Now, think about the background of that movie. There’s Minnie Driver, sure, and then there’s this curly-headed guy following the guys around, talk talk talking. All the time, talking. And the truth is, he’s annoying. Really annoying.

And now? He’s our next up-and-coming ACK-tor. Casey Affleck, come on down!

We at CHHQ aren’t entirely sure how Casey–Affleck the Younger–made the jump to Dramatic It Guy. A glance at his trusty IMDB profile reveals fine uncredited performances in both of the first two American Piemovies, which probably, you know, garnered him some attention from some truly high-quality directors. He was the (again, annoying but also kind of hilarious) younger Mormon brother in the Ocean’s Eleven series. He wandered in the desert with Matt Damon in Gerry, which by all accounts could be used to bore unreliable information out of foreign terrorists. That’s kind of it. And now…he’s Robert Ford in the excellently-named The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford AND the star of Gone Baby Gone, the new Dennis Lehane adaptation. Didn’t a few people win Oscars the last time they adapted Lehane? Let us check our trusty notes. Oh, right. Anyway, we hear he’s quite good in both of these movies, all intense-like, but somehow he’ll always be the scrawny guy piping up in the background to us.

Congratulations, though, Casey.

Casey Affleck, Good Will Hunting, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Gone Baby Gone, Dennis Lehane