Cinema Hype

As usual, the rules: The first person to comment with the character, actor, and movie that contains this quotation gets a special eyelash batting and a tailor-made Cinema Hype cheer, which might actually rhyme, even if it doesn’t make any sense.

I can’t actually say whether last week’s quotation was answered; reader Brydon acted like he knew the movie but failed to actually guess. Brydon, do you want to take a shot? I’ll refrain from gloating until then.

On to this week’s selection:

“A philosopher once asked, ‘Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?’ Pointless, really…’Do the stars gaze back?’ Now *that’s* a question.”

Ready, steady, go!

[Deep-voiced announcer 1]: Rendition: The story of a man taken from his family…

[Deep-voiced announcer 2]: With Academy Award winner Reese Witherspoon…

[DVA1]: …held against his will…

[DVA2]: …Academy Award winner Meryl Streep…

[DVA1]: …in a place that nobody knows…

[DVA2]: …Academy Award winner Alan Arkin…

[DVA1]: …without the rights and freedoms…

[DVA2]: …Academy Award nominee Jake Gyllenhaal”…

[DVA1]: guaranteed to every American by the Constitution.”

[DVA2]:…and Academy Award wannabe Peter Sarsgaard.”

[Together, in harmony] …What would you do?

[Descant: Deep-voiced announcer 3; repeat as necessary:]
P.S. Not that we’re looking for Academy Awards, or anything.

Rendition, Rendition movie, Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, Meryl Streep, Alan Arkin, Peter Sarsgaard

We at CHHQ have noticed lately–being in a contemplative state of mind these days, as fall descends–that we talk quite a lot about books being adapted to film. Say what they will about books being better than films, the reading public does love to see its favorite books on the big screen, and we are no exception. Fantasy casting for these things is practically a full-time job, right?

But if there’s anything we like better than books made into movies, it’s movies made about books. There’s a bit of a disconnect, here: watching people read is, to quote a certain CH brother, like watching cement harden. So how does the book-loving filmmaker pay homage to the love of reading without making audiences wish they’d brought a book to the theater? We offer a selection of book-centered films for those between-books moments.

84, Charing Cross Road (1987): Based on the wonderful nonfiction book of the same name, Anthony Hopkins and Anne Bancroft exchange twenty years of bibliophilic letters across the Atlantic.

You’ve Got Mail (1998): Nora Ephron’s tribute to children’s books (and Pride and Prejudice), and the people who love them. Among other things, ridiculously quotable. May also be about e-mail.

Stranger Than Fiction (2006): A man discovers that he’s a character in a novel and can hear the writer’s narration.

The Ninth Gate (1999): Johnny Depp plays a rare-books dealer searching for a work written by…wait for it…THE DEVIL! (Mwahahaha!) Pretty good except when for a few unintentionally hilarious moments. (Sorry, Johnny. We cannot tell a lie.)

Possession (2002): A pair of Literature grad students study the relationship between a pair of Romantic-era poets. Do you see where they’re going with this? It’s a metaphor, people.

Dear Wes Anderson,

How is it that you got to be so cool and so talented? I mean, some people make good movies but don’t know a Pony from a Puma. And some people have awesome western shirts and aviator glasses, but their movies are boring and don’t have Bill Murray in them. And some of them don’t even make movies at all, which makes them losers. Anyway, how did it happen? Did some crazy-hip Talent Fairy crash your christening and knock over the old-lady fairies in the matching dresses? Did you drink from the well of Talent Milk and Cool Honey?

I can’t wait to see your new movie The Darjeeling Limited. Me and my friends bought our tickets as soon as the theater downtown had them. You should have heard the guy at the theater, all, “The Darjeeling what? I’ve never heard of it.” So of course we had to tell him all about it. Maybe you should give us some of the money you make for spreading the word about your movie, LOL. Anyway, we have our tickets but we’re going to be there really early anyway. I’m going to wear my Jason Schwartzman Rules t-shirt that I made with one of those iron-on decals and a picture I printed off IMDB. Did I tell you that I really love Jason Schwartzman? Because I do. He’s so TRUE, you know? He reminds me of, like, every guy I know, only more so. I think you’re such a genius for casting him in all your movies except The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Which, by the way, I thought was a great movie. You’re such a great team. Maybe you make each other cooler and more talented, you know? It’s like a symbiotic relationship, or something.

Anyway. I hope TDL does really, really well in the theater, and if you want to send me some of that cash, go ahead! Just text me, I swear. LOL!

You’re my hero,

A Fan

Wes Anderson, The Darjeeling Limited, Bill Murray, Justin Schwartzman

So…there’s an article in this week’s Sunday New York Times about the trials and tribulations of filming the upcoming No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency film. Now, we know: it’s hard out here for an internationally famous movie director. No, the overweight African woman doesn’t fit the average American’s stereotype of an effective detective. And yes, filming in Botswana is both adventurous and anomalous in today’s culture of “Canada! Cheap, and it looks like everywhere!”. We at CH are cool with that. But, having read the article, we’re not sure director Anthony Minghella–as much as we like his movies–knows exactly what he’s dealing with.

Whether or not Minghella’s been keeping an eye on the Times’s bestseller list in the last few years, the CH staff has been known to browse the menu now and then. Stereotypical detective or not, we’re pretty sure that at least a couple of people have been reading the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series. And while Alexander McCall Smith’s heroine may spend half of her work time under an acacia tree, we’re guessing that Minghella isn’t going to be bribing his friends and family into seeing it, just so it’ll break a $200 gross, or something. What we’re saying is that we think he can calm down a little.

Call us crazy. It’s just a hunch. Also: Go, Jill Scott! The more we know you, the more we like you.

No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, Alexander McCall Smith, Botswana, Anthony Minghella, Jill Scott

As usual, the rules: The first person to comment with the character, actor, and movie that contains this quotation gets a special eyelash batting and a tailor-made Cinema Hype cheer, which might actually rhyme, even if it doesn’t make any sense.

Here goes:

“‘Permission to check on the condition of my woman, sir? I wanna check on her bandages and see if she can keep some food down.’
‘You are aware, of course, that this woman of yours is… made of… straw?’
‘Oh, yes, sir. Figure that’s why she burned so easy.’”

Good luck!

1. Wow. That…did not end at all how I thought it would.

2. My new hero = Terrence Howard’s hair. AWESOME. More men should go for the “I need a curling iron” look, don’t you think?

3. Taryn Manning? You break my heart. You’re in charge, girl.

4. Hustle & Flow is one of my favorite movie titles of all time. It’s almost onomatopoetic. Hustle and Floooooow.

5. That song is going to be running through my head for ALL MY DAYS. It’s hard out here for a pimp, apparently. FOREVER.

Good movie, though.

Hustle and Flow, Craig Brewer, Taryn Manning, Terrence Howard

Now, don’t get me wrong: I love a good mystery. Bring on the whodunits. I’m all over a good tale of murder and mayhem.

But do you know the problem with The Thin Man? I like the heroes, Nick and Nora Charles, so much that I tend to forget the plot of the movie. Julia Wolf? Something about stolen shares for Dorothy Wynant’s wedding? I believe there was an absent-minded professor in there somewhere? …Right. Now, can we go back and hang out with the Charleses again? Oh, and bring Asta. He’s awfully cute, not to mention a fine crime-fighter and a classic crossword-puzzle clue.

I’m not saying the Charleses are much in the way of role models, though naming a line of pajamas after them isn’t such a bad idea. Nick and Nora are drunk most of the time, and solving mysteries is really more of a hobby for them than a serious engagement. But who are we to judge? After all, a murderer caught in fun (at a lovely dinner party, no less) is still a murderer caught, and we can’t fault them for that. And they do seem to very much enjoy being married to one another, which isn’t such a bad thing. In any case, they win at witty banter.

If only I could remember who did it and why. But never mind; Nick and Nora probably wouldn’t, either.

The Thin Man, Nick and Nora Charles, Nick and Nora, William Powell, Myrna Loy, Dashiell Hammett

Yes, I know that novels are usually better than their movie adaptations. It makes sense, after all; the author’s got the original ideas, minus the middleman. The adapters have to make sense of someone else’s brain-work. Something somewhere is bound to get lost in the translation. But I have to say that Atonement, the upcoming adaptation of Ian McEwan’s much-lauded (and actually-really-good, not-overhyped) novel, may give the old cliche a run for its money.

I’m not saying the movie adaptation is going to be better than the novel–good luck on that one, guys–but after reading this interview with Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script, I’m starting to think that the movie might end up being a worthy representation. And isn’t that all we can really ask?

What brings a smile to my face here is the sense that Hampton is truly trying to bring McEwan’s prose to the screen while preserving its detail and texture–and let me assure you, his prose is jam-packed with both. It’s a risky process. Atonement is complex enough in structure and delicate enough in tone that it’s the kind of novel that could easily be butchered in the Hollywoodization process. But Hampton’s obvious respect for the novel and his comments about the structure reassure me that he’s really zeroing in on the source material and not just using it as a “jumping-off place.”

I’m also excited, as I believe I’ve gushed mentioned before, about Joe Wright’s direction. I love what somebody else–pardon me; I can’t remember who–said about Wright’s Pride and Prejudice adaptation: somebody recently called it “loose and lively.” And that’s exactly what it is: it’s not perfectly accurate to the text (but again, Wright’s not writing; he’s just literally calling the shots), but it is accurate in tone. He’s got the feel, which in the end counts for a surprising amount. And there’s something about his style–the sense of motion, maybe? Or the eye for detail?–that seems like an ideal match for McEwan, who is similarly focused on movement and minutiae. Good things will come of this, mark my words.

Enough of my obsessive Atonement talk; I’ll shut up now. Or check out these reviews if you just can’t wait. (Just don’t tell me; I know approximately what they say but I’m trying to hang on to my own opinions.)

Atonement, Ian McEwan, Keira Knightley, James McAvoy, Christopher Hampton, TIFF, Toronto International Film Festival

A conversation with myself regarding the new Iron Man trailer:

“Ooh, something new from Marvel. You know, I’m really pleased that they’ve taken to making their own movies. If you want something done right, and all that.�

“Yes, I know. So….this is….?�

“I dunno. But oh, look, Robert Downey, Jr.! You love Robert Downey, Jr.!�

“You know me so well.�

“…because, yes, he is/was a drug addict, but he’s such a good actor, and he seems like he’s always trying to get it together. And, you know, Heart and Souls, which is so underrated, and Only You, and then he was Larry on Ally McBeal–“

“I miss that show.�

“–well, of course. And then there’s Good Night and Good Luck and Wonder Boys and Zodiac, and you know you love the way he delivers his lines. He’s so…sardonic, you know? And oh, look, he’s doing it now!â€?

“This actually looks really good. I love wry, dry comic-book movies. Especially when they get all political.�

“Wait, what’s happening here? He…gets captured and now he has a suit? Oh, now, I think we all know that the “suit” superheroes aren’t as cool as the “I have powers from within so ha ha ha” superheroes. I mean, look at Batman. He’s good, and all, but really he just has a nice tool belt.”

“This trailer is kind of going downhill. Don’t leave us, Robert Downey, Jr.! Or we might have to pick just one of your names!”

“Well, May 2008. Looks like we have plenty of time to decide.”

“Yeah.”

Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr.

As usual, the rules: The first person to comment with the character, actor, and movie that contains this quotation gets a special eyelash batting and a tailor-made Cinema Hype cheer, which might actually rhyme, even if it doesn’t make any sense.

Congratulations to Heather for beating Sarah and Chris to the punch on last week’s quotation! (Nice job to Sarah and Chris, though, too. They also got it right. We encourage reckless guessing around these parts.)

And now for this week’s offering:

“I can tell you the license plate numbers of all six cars outside. I can tell you that our waitress is left-handed and the guy sitting up at the counter weighs two hundred fifteen pounds and knows how to handle himself. I know the best place to look for a gun is the cab of the gray truck outside, and at this altitude, I can run flat out for a half mile before my hands start shaking. Now why would I know that?”

…Go!

I never know what to do when I’ve seen an old-ish movie in the theater. After the first weekend, reviewing isn’t much good to anyone, but it seems like a waste to just enjoy a movie without having to know what I thought about it and then articulate it clearly. Or something.

Nevertheless, I trekked down the street to my friendly neighborhood movie theater last night for a cheap, early show of Stardust. It was sweet, funny, snarky, and just generally charming, and it made me want to read the source material, or at least some other novel by Neil Gaiman. It’s good to see a fairy tale that’s really a fairy tale, made in the tradition of fairy tales, as opposed to the constant attempt to mold old stories to contemporary settings. Stardust’s script is funny–silly, even–and although some of the dialogue feels modern, modernity isn’t the point.

In other news, that young Charlie Cox is a cutie. I may need to rethink my (previously ambivalent) position on Claire Danes, since I’ve liked so many of her recent movies. And Robert DeNiro is having entirely too much fun with his post-tough-guy period. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, see the movie. His role could have gone so badly, but he’s so excellent that it totally works for him. Apparently he’s, like, a good actor or something?) This movie has the kind of cast where you can’t spit without hitting somebody ridiculously famous–it’s one of those “Oh, he’s in this?!” kind of things–but mostly it all feels like a bunch of people having a good time. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that it’s a cast full of Gaiman fans.

And anyway, how many movies feature death by ferret?

If that last one intrigues you, go see it. You’ll like it. If not, I can’t help you.

Stardust, Neil Gaiman, Claire Danes, Robert DeNiro, Charlie Cox, fairy tales, fantasy movies

So, Sydney White, huh?

A retelling of Snow White, set at a modern-day university? Where there are seven male roommates and one girl, and there’s supposedly some handsome prince? Sounds pretty crappy. What is it with modern-day fairy tales, anyway? Why can’t we just live with stories set Long Ago and Far Away? What’s wrong with fantasy? Are our imaginations so atrophied that we won’t even venture out into the well-trodden paths of the cultural storytelling convention? Why can’t we have more Stardusts and fewer Ella Enchanteds? I’m on a roll now, and I think I might be a little offende–

–wait. Did you say Amanda Bynes?

I’m in.

(Also: Danny Strong! Ha!)

Amanda Bynes, Danny Strong, Sydney White

I’m going to make a wild, completely unscientific, totally unconfirmable statement, here: According to “experts” at CinemaHype.com, the relationship between being a fan of The Simpsons and being a fan of Star Wars correlates to…say…approximately 0.8. I’m not sure whether most Simpsons fans are Star Wars fans, or whether Star Wars fans are Simpsons fans, but either way, let’s say there’s a connection.

Given that (totally made-up) fact, we at CH are surprised that it took this long for this video to appear:

Say it with me now: “Hee!”

youtube, star wars, the simpsons

Not since John Edwards announcing his candidacy for President on The Daily Show has a potentially exciting announcement been made in such a non-auspicious (or, in Edwards’s case, a faux-non-auspicious place). Sunday night, Shia Laboeuf and his scary little mustache announced the official title of the new Indiana Jones movie at tonight’s MTV Video Music Awards. Finally! According to Laboeuf (and, presumably, Paramount Pictures), the long-awaited Indy–though not exactly indie–movie will be called Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Other titles in the running included:

Indiana Jones and the Temple of DOOOOOOOOM!!!!1!!
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, No Really, We Mean It This Time
Indiana Jones and the Isn’t He Too Old?
Indiana Jones and the Mysteriously Elusive Title
Indiana Jones and the Deathly Hallows

Only history will tell us how the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull holds up compared to these fine choices.